I feel infected with a fever. Not the ill type, at least physically. The more I think about life and time, the more I realize how important time management is. Ideally you find a balance between being productive and rewarding yourself. Too much of the former and you grow miserable. Too much of the latter and you accomplish nothing. But as I gaze at my plate of cheesy bacon fries from Outback Steakhouse, flakes of pepper falling like black snow upon a mountain of grease, I realize that I better suck it up and start eating.

There is too much to be done and too little time. I have to budget at least 25 hours a week to paying the bills, and would like to budget the same amount to finishing my thesis in a decent hour. This makes it hard to reward myself as much as a balance would suggest. I am forced to reconsider how I live each and every moment in order to extract a respectable amount of reward during any given day. Its so much easier to simply meditate my way through driving or a work day or chores, but much more of a challenge to actually make the most out of it. Realize and recognize the small things that remind you to appreciate the fact that you are alive, regardless of what you are doing. The infinity of variety which exists in every single gaze, yet fails to be entertaining if we forget to look. The simplicity masking complexity beyond understanding. The wonder which can be had by anyone willing to seek it out.

Sometimes all it takes is a new perspective...or a longing for change; a readiness for adventures which cannot be had until some loose ends are tied up. An attempted guidance for the future, ensuring that whether or not everything works out how I might imagine or dream it to, at the very least I will still get the most out of life. There are several different routes which all lead to the same destination. The only choice I have to make is when to branch off of the trail and blaze...


A New Year Realization

I attended an excellent New Years party at the Antler house last night. Lots of karaoke and champagne. Dalton asked me to compose a short bit on time for reflection...this is what I came up with on 12-30-10:

And through the lines of time
Another year has come to pass
A time to pine on all things
That are different from the last
Reflect upon dynamic fads
The music and the news
Accomplishments that humans made
In their fruitless pursuits
And memories which you have kept
From this year and the past
The grudges that you always held
And those that didn't last
But also all the times of joy
And love for fellow man
When once again you were convinced
Of goodness in this land
But if we dwell on what is done
The things we cannot change
Then we forget to guide ourselves
Toward fortune, fear, or fame
And so we try to plan it out;
To have control of life
Idealize a perfect plan
With your ideal wife
Decide which things would be enjoyed
And buy them with a card
Accept the scripted humor and
Consume the processed lard
Direct which way your future goes
For better or for worse
Develop expectations for
Your net financial worth
And if by chance it doesn't work
Your dreams reduced to trash
Your mind will become bitter
And your lust for life will crash
So best you are to minimize
What you expect to come
While guidance can be helpful
You should only permit some
The future is an open book
Influenced by the now
Its not about what you could do
Or what you've done, or how
The choice you have is in the
Present moment of your life
So stop to smell the flowers
And forget about your strife
The journey is the destination;
Joy is in the ride
It really doesn't matter
What's ahead or what's behind
Time will stop for nothing
And it never runs reverse
Living in the moment
Is a blessing, not a curse
Make the most of every day
For each could be your last
Live to love and love to live
For time will move too fast
Make your resolutions and
Remember where you've been
Never stop exploring
And you're guaranteed to win.

I guess that captures the essence. Maybe I will add a couple of stanzas each year as my understanding of the world becomes more seeded in experience. The only thing I am sure of is that that nothing is certain. I hope this year is a great one for all of us...